{character info | application}
Oct. 19th, 2012 12:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
man_in_black || Player Information ||
Name: Kel
Personal Journal:n0teworthy
Time zone: CST (GMT-6)
Contact: kellenanne at gmail | gaerwn
Current Characters: Castiel, Mal Reynolds, Spike, Aubri
|| Character Information ||
Fandom: Bonanza!
Name: Adam Stoddard Cartwright
Canon Point: mid-6x24 "Right is the Fourth R"
History: (As a note: canon does not always agree with US/Nevada history. Discrepancies between actual history and canon history lies with the writers/creators of the show.)
Wiki history
Episode appearances
These links are lacking; I have a supplemental history written up outlining early life and key appearances in canon, but it is fairly long.
Personality:
Adam Cartwright is known for being somewhat quiet, intelligent, and certainly not a person one wants to cross. He's been called quick-tempered and has been accused of having a somewhat "holier than thou" attitude. While all of these things are true to some extent, there is far more to Adam than just this. He is reserved, but no so much that he won't draw someone into conversation or won't go out with friends. He is intelligent, but he's been prone to doing some awfully stupid things: leaping into a situation without looking and sometimes without even telling someone he was heading right into trouble. He's quick in a fight and sometimes quick to anger, but his anger is usually well-controlled and usually righteous. As for exhibiting that "holier than thou" attitude? That's true, too, though sometimes he doesn't really mean to highlight his education or his wealth; it's just there and something that's part of his life and it gets talked about sometimes.
All in all, Adam does try to do the right thing, sometimes pushing for it to the point of foolishness. His stubborn nature, when combined with that strong sense of right and wrong, has led him into situations where he falls in over his head without even realizing it. When common sense might tell him to back away and try something else, he'll push forward -- and sometimes put himself or others into danger in the process. It's a flaw that sometimes is in direct contrast to a protective nature, but he can rationalize it without hardly thinking about it. (To protect someone, one must take risks, after all.)
Adam is almost foolishly loyal to friends and family. He'll step into a situation to protect them without thought sometimes -- and sometimes that means protecting them from themselves. He'll court fights with his brothers if he thinks they are on a wrong path and he'll stand up (rather belligerently sometimes) to his father when it's an issue he's passionate about. Adam believes in his family and in his friends; it's a belief that is not easily shaken. Even when his best friend, Ross Marquette (in the episode "The Dark Gate",) is proven to have stolen hundreds of head of cattle from the Ponderosa, beaten his own wife, and pulled a gun on his best friend, Adam still tries to help him. In the end, his efforts are futile: Ross and his wife both die but, as harsh a lesson as it is, Adam cannot simply stop being himself. He never fully loses confidence in good friends and in family.
That includes expecting them to do the right thing. Adam's strong sense of right and wrong expects them to own up to their mistakes and face the consequences. He will -- and has -- pointed out when he thinks someone needs to make restitution. It sometimes leads to irrevocably changing relationships; Adam has seen his share of who he thought were good people do horrible things. He doesn't immediately dismiss them as "bad" but he does expect them to make amends. If they refuse, that's when Adam will relentlessly pursue them. Justice sometimes transcends relationships -- and that's hard for him, but he stands by his principles.
Adam has always been somewhat reserved, even as a child. He can have a cutting sense of humor, is quietly sarcastic when he wants to be, and will often share a drink with acquaintances, but that doesn't mean he's up to sharing too much about himself. He's never been trusting of strangers -- unless a hard luck story is involved, because he's a bit of sucker for someone trying to pick up after everything's gone wrong -- and canon events have only left him cold when it comes to meeting new people. He usually lets his brothers do the welcoming, while he remains quietly suspicious but cordial. He's had his share of too many things gone wrong just because someone took advantage of a kindness or a weakness to not be at least a little suspicious upon meeting someone for the first time. It's not something he likes about himself; he wants to believe the best of people but he knows that, if he wants to stay hale and whole, he cannot.
He is intelligent and pragmatic. An educated engineer and architect, he is adept at figuring things out. Mathematics is second nature to him. There are a few scenes where Ben, Hoss, and Joe are trying to figure out mathematical problems using any means available -- paper, pencil, fingers, toes -- and Adam will pipe up with the answer after only a few seconds of thought. Naturally even-keeled even in the worst of circumstances, his intelligence and will is something to be reckoned with. (Seriously, this is the guy who, with a gun pointed at him, will make snide remarks about the bad guy's intelligence while figuring out that knocking that lamp over six feet away is the best way to distract the man, so he'll just casually stroll in that direction while insulting the man with the gun.)
He's old-fashioned as they come: it's a product of his time. While he's not quite as chauvinistic as many men from the mid-19th century, he believes in letting a man do a man's job and a woman do a woman's. At the same time, though, he's fought to give a slave woman a chance to become a doctor, for example. But if push comes to shove, he believes it is his place to protect the woman. If it's a woman who wrongs him or his family, he will use every ounce of intimidation and threat he can muster against her -- and never once raise his hand or weapon to her. A man, he would approach differently. (Most likely with a fist.)
Adam believes in the value of education and he's an innate teacher. He has taught at the Virginia City school and he's very good at establishing some sort of rapport with children. While he tends to treat most adults with a certain distance, his natural suspicion is suspended when he's dealing with children. Adam Cartwright -- wealthy businessman, cowhand, bronc buster, and fastest draw in the territory -- has been caught sewing doll's dresses just to make a little girl smile.
He doesn't often get caught up in his younger brothers' antics but he loves a good time -- and sometimes even a good fight. He's the one who raised his brothers for a good while. He taught them to fight. He even taught them to fight dirty if it would keep them alive. He's beyond protective of his family and exhibits a sense of pride when they do well.
Adam has taken a lot of flack for being about the only cowhand in the territory who regularly reads Shakespeare. In fact, he's been known to ride his horse and read a book of poetry. (It saved his life once; the book deflected a bullet that should have killed him. He points it out when he's made fun of for carrying poetry around.)
In short, Adam is a stubborn man with a strong sense of justice. He cares for his family but strangers usually have to prove themselves to him somehow: either through action or long conversations. He does have a temper that can be easily riled, but it's mostly controlled and rarely overwhelms good sense. It's his stubborn nature that will get him into trouble more than his temper. He's pragmatic and educated -- and will probably be found more than once taking something apart just to see how it works.
Skills | Powers:
Adam is just human, but he's a human in good shape. Hard work agrees with him: he's strong, isn't easily put physically off balance, and has enough stamina to endure long days of harsh conditions. He's good with his fists and, while he'd rather not, he can and will fight dirty if he needs to. (That includes throwing things at people, picking up anything around him as a weapon, and going for hits that are most definitely below the belt.)
He's a crack shot and a fast draw. In one episode, he outdrew a professional gunfighter and in another, he calculated a ricochet shot to take out a man behind a boulder.
As mentioned before, his stubborn nature can be both a blessing and a curse. He will usually find what he's looking for, but sometimes at detriment to his own well-being. (For example, he once told the acting sheriff that he knew the sheriff committed murder rather than going to anyone else with the information. He ended up nearly dead in a jail cell for that one.) He is usually calm in the face of trouble and can usually figure out a way out of it. If he can't, he'll try for a way to take the consequences upon himself, rather than those around him. He's always thinking in a tough situation, which is a skill unto itself.
First Person Sample:
[The feed opens as the tablet is jostled. Adam sets it down on the desk beside him and focuses his attention on the pile of metal and plastic pieces in front of him. He obviously doesn't know -- or care, perhaps -- that the tablet is broadcasting as he mutters and picks up pieces.]
So... this goes here... [And Adam attaches a plastic knob to a metal rod.] ...and that connects to a timer... [He goes rifling through the pieces. He moves the tablet out of his way almost absentmindedly. When he puts it down again, there's a better vantage point of the sundry parts. The more technologically inclined people might recognize the pile as what is left of a toaster oven. Adam puts down the knob and turns to the heating element.] So how does this work, then?
[He turns it over in his hands. When he reaches across the pile to pick up another part, he glances at the tablet, eyes widening a bit when he realizes what's going on.] Oh.
[Chagrined, he sets the heating element aside and picks up the tablet.] I suppose I might be better off to figure this thing out instead. Sorry, everyone.
[A pause and then one corner of his mouth turns up in a sheepish half-smile.] But while I'm here, if someone wants to help me get this incredibly useful contraption back in working order, I wouldn't turn you away. I can repay the favor with a beer.
Third Person Sample:
Ross Marquette could laugh at anything, could find the humor in any situation. Adam used to believe he envied that trait; now, looking back, it frightened him. He'd asked Ross once, how he could look at a dire situation with a twinkling in his eyes and Ross, of course, had laughed at the question. It's because the world is mad, he'd replied and that was the only explanation he'd give.
Adam had, at the time, shaken his head and gone on with life. Chalked it up to Ross being Ross and moved on to the next question. That's how it had always been with Ross. He thought his friend's humor had been a shield against the madness he saw in the world. Now, though...
Now he understood that Ross' laughter was a symptom of the madness.
The world hadn't been mad. Ross had.
Understanding hit him like a bolt from a clear, blue sky. It stole his breath, tightened his chest, set his heart to racing. He felt sick and the pain in his shoulder throbbed in stark relief. He had sat on the edge of the porch, intending to enjoy the sunshine in his brief reprieve from work, but even the sun felt cold.
No, not quite. Not even cold. It felt like nothing. Adam sat in a washed out, gray world, in which no sun shone and only a haunting memory remained.
His vision blurred around the edges; in the morning stillness, he heard Ross' laughter. He leaned forward, resting his forehead in his good hand. He'd shot him. Hunted him down. Took a bullet from his best friend and returned the favor with interest. Held Del as she died. Couldn't answer her as she asked him to explain her own husband's madness to her. She'd loved Ross so much; her broken why? had widened the cracks in Adam's armor. He could still hear the love and betrayal, far beyond any physical hurt, in her voice and could still remember the moment she'd gone limp in his arms. He'd never forget. Adam had remembered, in that moment, her saying that Ross' laughter drew her to him, as a moth to a flame. Seemed a fitting metaphor now: Delphine had burned alive in the flame of Ross' madness. He could still see her broken and beaten body sprawled awkwardly on the floor whenever he walked into the house. Ross and Delphine, together in life and in death. Adam's breath caught in his throat.
There was so much anger and grief in his heart that he wasn't sure where one ended and the other began. And there was nothing worth laughing at but maybe the world was mad anyway. It seemed simplistic just to say that it hurt, but shut down everything in him, until all he was was a mass of raw grief. There was no breath in him anymore. Maybe no soul. Maybe that had died with Ross. (But if that was so, what hurt so badly now? Only a being with a soul could be so sorrowful for the death of a friend, right?)
A large hand -- gentle even then, careful to avoid the tender bruising on his bad shoulder -- settled in the middle of his back. Adam knew Hoss was speaking; the specter of Ross drowned him out, but Hoss was insistent, firm. His fingers kneaded the too-tight muscles at the base of his neck. His hands were warm, like the sunshine should have been.
"... be all right." His brother's voice coalesced into something real, and pushed back against the ghost of Ross. "You gotta take a breath, brother."
And so he did, because Hoss never laughed in the face of madness. Because Hoss was a bright spot of color and love in a washed-out world, where laughter heralded madness. Adam ran his palm over his cheek, rested his chin on his knuckles, and stared into the yard. He hadn't even noticed Hoss come into the yard, hadn't noticed Chubb at the hitching rail out front. Hadn't even noticed morning had slipped into afternoon. How long had he been out here, listening to phantoms? How long had he been back out on that ridge? Back in the great room with Del?
"Ya with me, Adam?"
He didn't move. His voice was rough, strained with raw grief. "Yeah."
Hoss sat beside him, his movements careful and almost deliberate; it was the way he'd move around a skittish colt. Nothing abrupt, nothing fast and, for a moment, Adam was insulted. (A flash of old ire and he grabbed onto it, held it, and fanned the flame, because he hated this gray world full of nothing. This was where Ross and Delphine lived now and he couldn't be part of their world anymore. He'd killed Ross and couldn't protect Del. He shouldn't be there.)
"You're thinkin' on it," Hoss said. In his hands, he held a small rock and he rolled it between his fingers.
Adam let that irritation swell, despite having no real reason for it. He needed it. "Shouldn't I?"
Hoss shrugged. "I figure it's a good thing I decided to come back here for some lunch."
"I'm not an invalid."
"No." Hoss' drawl was slow and easy, a direct counterpoint to Adam's snapped frustration. "But you'd apparently forgot how to breathe."
Hoss had a point. Adam let his hand drop to his knee. That ire bled away and took all the warmth in the world with it. "I should have seen it coming."
That large, gentle hand settled at the base of his neck again. "Maybe. Everyone says that after somethin' bad happens." He started kneading the knotted muscles again. "Just figure that means you're in good company."
There was silence for long moment. Adam's hand drifted back to his jaw. "Not alone." He'd said that to Ross, tried to chase away the loneliness for Delphine and now he was in desperate need of the reminder. The only difference was that he was the one still alive. Was he mad? He wasn't sure. He'd never understood Ross anyway; he understood him less in madness. He still heard his friend's laughter, though.
But he wasn't alone.
"Yeah." Hoss dropped his hand and leaned over to bump Adam's shoulder lightly. "Now that you remembered that, don't go lettin' me eat alone. C'mon." Hoss stood and offered his older brother a hand up.
Adam couldn't muster up a smile, but he did let Hoss help him to pull himself to his feet.
Name: Kel
Personal Journal:
n0teworthyTime zone: CST (GMT-6)
Contact: kellenanne at gmail | gaerwn
Current Characters: Castiel, Mal Reynolds, Spike, Aubri
|| Character Information ||
Fandom: Bonanza!
Name: Adam Stoddard Cartwright
Canon Point: mid-6x24 "Right is the Fourth R"
History: (As a note: canon does not always agree with US/Nevada history. Discrepancies between actual history and canon history lies with the writers/creators of the show.)
Wiki history
Episode appearances
These links are lacking; I have a supplemental history written up outlining early life and key appearances in canon, but it is fairly long.
Personality:
Adam Cartwright is known for being somewhat quiet, intelligent, and certainly not a person one wants to cross. He's been called quick-tempered and has been accused of having a somewhat "holier than thou" attitude. While all of these things are true to some extent, there is far more to Adam than just this. He is reserved, but no so much that he won't draw someone into conversation or won't go out with friends. He is intelligent, but he's been prone to doing some awfully stupid things: leaping into a situation without looking and sometimes without even telling someone he was heading right into trouble. He's quick in a fight and sometimes quick to anger, but his anger is usually well-controlled and usually righteous. As for exhibiting that "holier than thou" attitude? That's true, too, though sometimes he doesn't really mean to highlight his education or his wealth; it's just there and something that's part of his life and it gets talked about sometimes.
All in all, Adam does try to do the right thing, sometimes pushing for it to the point of foolishness. His stubborn nature, when combined with that strong sense of right and wrong, has led him into situations where he falls in over his head without even realizing it. When common sense might tell him to back away and try something else, he'll push forward -- and sometimes put himself or others into danger in the process. It's a flaw that sometimes is in direct contrast to a protective nature, but he can rationalize it without hardly thinking about it. (To protect someone, one must take risks, after all.)
Adam is almost foolishly loyal to friends and family. He'll step into a situation to protect them without thought sometimes -- and sometimes that means protecting them from themselves. He'll court fights with his brothers if he thinks they are on a wrong path and he'll stand up (rather belligerently sometimes) to his father when it's an issue he's passionate about. Adam believes in his family and in his friends; it's a belief that is not easily shaken. Even when his best friend, Ross Marquette (in the episode "The Dark Gate",) is proven to have stolen hundreds of head of cattle from the Ponderosa, beaten his own wife, and pulled a gun on his best friend, Adam still tries to help him. In the end, his efforts are futile: Ross and his wife both die but, as harsh a lesson as it is, Adam cannot simply stop being himself. He never fully loses confidence in good friends and in family.
That includes expecting them to do the right thing. Adam's strong sense of right and wrong expects them to own up to their mistakes and face the consequences. He will -- and has -- pointed out when he thinks someone needs to make restitution. It sometimes leads to irrevocably changing relationships; Adam has seen his share of who he thought were good people do horrible things. He doesn't immediately dismiss them as "bad" but he does expect them to make amends. If they refuse, that's when Adam will relentlessly pursue them. Justice sometimes transcends relationships -- and that's hard for him, but he stands by his principles.
Adam has always been somewhat reserved, even as a child. He can have a cutting sense of humor, is quietly sarcastic when he wants to be, and will often share a drink with acquaintances, but that doesn't mean he's up to sharing too much about himself. He's never been trusting of strangers -- unless a hard luck story is involved, because he's a bit of sucker for someone trying to pick up after everything's gone wrong -- and canon events have only left him cold when it comes to meeting new people. He usually lets his brothers do the welcoming, while he remains quietly suspicious but cordial. He's had his share of too many things gone wrong just because someone took advantage of a kindness or a weakness to not be at least a little suspicious upon meeting someone for the first time. It's not something he likes about himself; he wants to believe the best of people but he knows that, if he wants to stay hale and whole, he cannot.
He is intelligent and pragmatic. An educated engineer and architect, he is adept at figuring things out. Mathematics is second nature to him. There are a few scenes where Ben, Hoss, and Joe are trying to figure out mathematical problems using any means available -- paper, pencil, fingers, toes -- and Adam will pipe up with the answer after only a few seconds of thought. Naturally even-keeled even in the worst of circumstances, his intelligence and will is something to be reckoned with. (Seriously, this is the guy who, with a gun pointed at him, will make snide remarks about the bad guy's intelligence while figuring out that knocking that lamp over six feet away is the best way to distract the man, so he'll just casually stroll in that direction while insulting the man with the gun.)
He's old-fashioned as they come: it's a product of his time. While he's not quite as chauvinistic as many men from the mid-19th century, he believes in letting a man do a man's job and a woman do a woman's. At the same time, though, he's fought to give a slave woman a chance to become a doctor, for example. But if push comes to shove, he believes it is his place to protect the woman. If it's a woman who wrongs him or his family, he will use every ounce of intimidation and threat he can muster against her -- and never once raise his hand or weapon to her. A man, he would approach differently. (Most likely with a fist.)
Adam believes in the value of education and he's an innate teacher. He has taught at the Virginia City school and he's very good at establishing some sort of rapport with children. While he tends to treat most adults with a certain distance, his natural suspicion is suspended when he's dealing with children. Adam Cartwright -- wealthy businessman, cowhand, bronc buster, and fastest draw in the territory -- has been caught sewing doll's dresses just to make a little girl smile.
He doesn't often get caught up in his younger brothers' antics but he loves a good time -- and sometimes even a good fight. He's the one who raised his brothers for a good while. He taught them to fight. He even taught them to fight dirty if it would keep them alive. He's beyond protective of his family and exhibits a sense of pride when they do well.
Adam has taken a lot of flack for being about the only cowhand in the territory who regularly reads Shakespeare. In fact, he's been known to ride his horse and read a book of poetry. (It saved his life once; the book deflected a bullet that should have killed him. He points it out when he's made fun of for carrying poetry around.)
In short, Adam is a stubborn man with a strong sense of justice. He cares for his family but strangers usually have to prove themselves to him somehow: either through action or long conversations. He does have a temper that can be easily riled, but it's mostly controlled and rarely overwhelms good sense. It's his stubborn nature that will get him into trouble more than his temper. He's pragmatic and educated -- and will probably be found more than once taking something apart just to see how it works.
Skills | Powers:
Adam is just human, but he's a human in good shape. Hard work agrees with him: he's strong, isn't easily put physically off balance, and has enough stamina to endure long days of harsh conditions. He's good with his fists and, while he'd rather not, he can and will fight dirty if he needs to. (That includes throwing things at people, picking up anything around him as a weapon, and going for hits that are most definitely below the belt.)
He's a crack shot and a fast draw. In one episode, he outdrew a professional gunfighter and in another, he calculated a ricochet shot to take out a man behind a boulder.
As mentioned before, his stubborn nature can be both a blessing and a curse. He will usually find what he's looking for, but sometimes at detriment to his own well-being. (For example, he once told the acting sheriff that he knew the sheriff committed murder rather than going to anyone else with the information. He ended up nearly dead in a jail cell for that one.) He is usually calm in the face of trouble and can usually figure out a way out of it. If he can't, he'll try for a way to take the consequences upon himself, rather than those around him. He's always thinking in a tough situation, which is a skill unto itself.
First Person Sample:
[The feed opens as the tablet is jostled. Adam sets it down on the desk beside him and focuses his attention on the pile of metal and plastic pieces in front of him. He obviously doesn't know -- or care, perhaps -- that the tablet is broadcasting as he mutters and picks up pieces.]
So... this goes here... [And Adam attaches a plastic knob to a metal rod.] ...and that connects to a timer... [He goes rifling through the pieces. He moves the tablet out of his way almost absentmindedly. When he puts it down again, there's a better vantage point of the sundry parts. The more technologically inclined people might recognize the pile as what is left of a toaster oven. Adam puts down the knob and turns to the heating element.] So how does this work, then?
[He turns it over in his hands. When he reaches across the pile to pick up another part, he glances at the tablet, eyes widening a bit when he realizes what's going on.] Oh.
[Chagrined, he sets the heating element aside and picks up the tablet.] I suppose I might be better off to figure this thing out instead. Sorry, everyone.
[A pause and then one corner of his mouth turns up in a sheepish half-smile.] But while I'm here, if someone wants to help me get this incredibly useful contraption back in working order, I wouldn't turn you away. I can repay the favor with a beer.
Third Person Sample:
Ross Marquette could laugh at anything, could find the humor in any situation. Adam used to believe he envied that trait; now, looking back, it frightened him. He'd asked Ross once, how he could look at a dire situation with a twinkling in his eyes and Ross, of course, had laughed at the question. It's because the world is mad, he'd replied and that was the only explanation he'd give.
Adam had, at the time, shaken his head and gone on with life. Chalked it up to Ross being Ross and moved on to the next question. That's how it had always been with Ross. He thought his friend's humor had been a shield against the madness he saw in the world. Now, though...
Now he understood that Ross' laughter was a symptom of the madness.
The world hadn't been mad. Ross had.
Understanding hit him like a bolt from a clear, blue sky. It stole his breath, tightened his chest, set his heart to racing. He felt sick and the pain in his shoulder throbbed in stark relief. He had sat on the edge of the porch, intending to enjoy the sunshine in his brief reprieve from work, but even the sun felt cold.
No, not quite. Not even cold. It felt like nothing. Adam sat in a washed out, gray world, in which no sun shone and only a haunting memory remained.
His vision blurred around the edges; in the morning stillness, he heard Ross' laughter. He leaned forward, resting his forehead in his good hand. He'd shot him. Hunted him down. Took a bullet from his best friend and returned the favor with interest. Held Del as she died. Couldn't answer her as she asked him to explain her own husband's madness to her. She'd loved Ross so much; her broken why? had widened the cracks in Adam's armor. He could still hear the love and betrayal, far beyond any physical hurt, in her voice and could still remember the moment she'd gone limp in his arms. He'd never forget. Adam had remembered, in that moment, her saying that Ross' laughter drew her to him, as a moth to a flame. Seemed a fitting metaphor now: Delphine had burned alive in the flame of Ross' madness. He could still see her broken and beaten body sprawled awkwardly on the floor whenever he walked into the house. Ross and Delphine, together in life and in death. Adam's breath caught in his throat.
There was so much anger and grief in his heart that he wasn't sure where one ended and the other began. And there was nothing worth laughing at but maybe the world was mad anyway. It seemed simplistic just to say that it hurt, but shut down everything in him, until all he was was a mass of raw grief. There was no breath in him anymore. Maybe no soul. Maybe that had died with Ross. (But if that was so, what hurt so badly now? Only a being with a soul could be so sorrowful for the death of a friend, right?)
A large hand -- gentle even then, careful to avoid the tender bruising on his bad shoulder -- settled in the middle of his back. Adam knew Hoss was speaking; the specter of Ross drowned him out, but Hoss was insistent, firm. His fingers kneaded the too-tight muscles at the base of his neck. His hands were warm, like the sunshine should have been.
"... be all right." His brother's voice coalesced into something real, and pushed back against the ghost of Ross. "You gotta take a breath, brother."
And so he did, because Hoss never laughed in the face of madness. Because Hoss was a bright spot of color and love in a washed-out world, where laughter heralded madness. Adam ran his palm over his cheek, rested his chin on his knuckles, and stared into the yard. He hadn't even noticed Hoss come into the yard, hadn't noticed Chubb at the hitching rail out front. Hadn't even noticed morning had slipped into afternoon. How long had he been out here, listening to phantoms? How long had he been back out on that ridge? Back in the great room with Del?
"Ya with me, Adam?"
He didn't move. His voice was rough, strained with raw grief. "Yeah."
Hoss sat beside him, his movements careful and almost deliberate; it was the way he'd move around a skittish colt. Nothing abrupt, nothing fast and, for a moment, Adam was insulted. (A flash of old ire and he grabbed onto it, held it, and fanned the flame, because he hated this gray world full of nothing. This was where Ross and Delphine lived now and he couldn't be part of their world anymore. He'd killed Ross and couldn't protect Del. He shouldn't be there.)
"You're thinkin' on it," Hoss said. In his hands, he held a small rock and he rolled it between his fingers.
Adam let that irritation swell, despite having no real reason for it. He needed it. "Shouldn't I?"
Hoss shrugged. "I figure it's a good thing I decided to come back here for some lunch."
"I'm not an invalid."
"No." Hoss' drawl was slow and easy, a direct counterpoint to Adam's snapped frustration. "But you'd apparently forgot how to breathe."
Hoss had a point. Adam let his hand drop to his knee. That ire bled away and took all the warmth in the world with it. "I should have seen it coming."
That large, gentle hand settled at the base of his neck again. "Maybe. Everyone says that after somethin' bad happens." He started kneading the knotted muscles again. "Just figure that means you're in good company."
There was silence for long moment. Adam's hand drifted back to his jaw. "Not alone." He'd said that to Ross, tried to chase away the loneliness for Delphine and now he was in desperate need of the reminder. The only difference was that he was the one still alive. Was he mad? He wasn't sure. He'd never understood Ross anyway; he understood him less in madness. He still heard his friend's laughter, though.
But he wasn't alone.
"Yeah." Hoss dropped his hand and leaned over to bump Adam's shoulder lightly. "Now that you remembered that, don't go lettin' me eat alone. C'mon." Hoss stood and offered his older brother a hand up.
Adam couldn't muster up a smile, but he did let Hoss help him to pull himself to his feet.
